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Every once in awhile, a story (or email) circulates around the Internet that just gives you a good laugh. I haven’t seen this one before but was told it has been around a bit…enjoy!

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home… I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best.

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and…

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE… !!!

I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

I’m sure you’ve heard the story of the cup…

The Optimist says that his cup is half full.
The Pessimist says that his cup is half empty.
The engineer says that you just need a smaller cup.

It seems to be all about the cup…but not really. The cup is just the vessel that holds something else. Let’s go a bit deeper though, shall we. The cup being a vessel could symbolize a person. It could really be you. Actually, it is you. The story of the cup is all about you, and about your attitude towards life.

The Cup Half Empty

Here is a quote from Charles Swindoll…
Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.

Have you ever thought about that? When you do, you tend to realize that quite often, little things in life control your attitude. For some people, the smallest of things can ruin their day. Their spouse may not look at them quite right, or a friend accidentally bumps into them at work…almost making them spill their coffee, or maybe… ______ (you fill in the blank).

The smallest of things tend to ruin a whole day for some people. Not only is their cup half empty, at times it appears that their cup is…just empty. Even if you try to fill it for them, they just won’t let you. I honestly believe that even God Almighty would have a bit of trouble pleasing this person, as perfection probably just isn’t quite good enough for them.

The Cup Half Full

You just gotta love those people whose cup is half full. They usually have a smile on their face even in the worst of times. Very little seems to rattle these people. Do you know someone like that? I bet you do. I’ve actually known a couple of people who just hate to be around someone like this. You know what I mean don’t you? The cup half empty person seems to not like the cup half full person.

I’ve known a few people in life who are just jolly all the time. They are just so full of sunshine that it blinds those who love dark and gloomy days. And there really aren’t any shades that anyone can wear to keep the glare of that sunshine down. I’ve actually heard people say, “I can’t stand to be around that person, they are just bubbly all the time. I’ve always found that to be a bit shocking to hear, I love to be around bubbly people, they totally brighten my day.

The Engineers Cup

You really have to love this optimist. One way or another, this person is going to find a way to fill that cup up, even if they have to make it a bit smaller to do it. Yep, this person thinks outside the box, and nothing slows them down. The attitude is always positive and forward thinking. They are focused, and the job gets done. These people tend to make good employees. Every boss would love to have a productive happy person on staff. Actually, the boss would love to have a whole staff of people like that.

So how about it…life happens to you…so remember the quote, life is 10% what happens to you. The question is, how do you react. That is the other 90% of life. Is your cup half empty, or is it half full? But wait…you are the cup, right?

GOOD HEALTH & THE MAGIC PILL

I’m a bit of a health nut and if you just happened to call my family, they would tell you that I’m probably just a little off my rocker…but…

You see, I don’t want cancer, diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, or any of those other nasty diseases when I get older. Do you know anyone who wants any of those diseases? I didn’t think so.

But we have a lot of health problems in this country, And when we have health problems, all people really want is that magic pill that will take care of the problem…right?

Well, there is no such thing as a magic pill, but…you can be much healthier than you realize.

Here is something you deserve to know about your health…are you ready for it?
It is your choice as to whether or not you have good health!

I just made a huge statement, because most people think that they are making the choice for good health already. If you will notice, all of those diseases I mentioned above…are running rampant throughout society. There is a reason for that, and we don’t have time for that at the moment, but I will write a follow-up blog soon explaining why.

Here is the simple equation for good health…

Your health is determined by what you put into your mouth.

Just read the ingredients on your food labels…seriously, when you finish reading this, go to your refrigerator and read the ingredients on a loaf of bread. My label says “Whole wheat, water, honey, salt & yeast.” Yours most likely has a whole list of chemicals you can’t even pronounce. Oooops, I just told you the reason why we have all of those diseases I mentioned earlier…all you have to do is substitute almost any food for bread into that equation, and the answer will be the same.

The bottom line…we are not being fed FOOD. We are being fed chemicals. We aren’t being fed something that nourishes our body and immune system, we are being fed chemicals that are not intended to be food for us.

Can we live off of those chemicals? Sure, people are still alive, but notice once again all of those diseases I mentioned earlier. There is a reason for that, and our health is directly related to what we eat. Yes, it is that simple.

So what do we do? None of us want any of those diseases, but few people will take the action necessary to avoid them. Those changes aren’t quick, easy, and simple, and therefore most people won’t make the changes which will promote good health.

THE MAGIC PILL SOLUTION FOR GOOD HEALTH

That puts us back at square one, with people looking for that magic pill that doesn’t exist. They want the easy way, and I’ve been keeping my eyes open for anything that might provide a solution to this problem and a few weeks ago I was talking with a friend and he had the solution I’ve been looking for.

He said he has been taking this product for quite some time, but…someone would come along with another great health product and he would try it, and he would wind up coming back to his original choice because the alternate product just didn’t provide the results he had been achieving. He was introduced to quite a number of products and tried them all, and every time he returned back to what he was taking before.

He told me of someone whose body was filled with cancer. After taking this product, cancer is no longer present in his body.

Ok…stop…before you get a wrong impression, this product DID NOT cure his cancer. There isn’t a product out there that can do that, and I doubt there will be.

The process of reversing cancer (and other diseases) is a simple one… get rid of the toxic diet that overloads the immune system and weakens it, and then feed your body something that will nourish the immune system. Your immune system can then do its job.

That’s what this product does…it nourishes the immune system…which assists you in achieving your goal of good health.

If you’re not willing to change your diet, and most people aren’t, then this product is an awesome addition to your diet, assisting you to have better health. For those of you willing to change your diet, and to get rid of all of those chemicals they are trying to get us to eat, adding this product to your daily plan will help to improve your health to a much greater degree.

Am I asking you to take my word for it? No way.

CLICK HERE and check out their website for yourself. Do your own research and make up your own mind. The road to good health begins with you making a decision to have good health, and then taking action.

And…just so you don’t feel deceived, you deserve to know the following… I’ve been looking for a product like this for quite some time. Like most health products hitting the market these days, there is a business opportunity attached to it, which will not be of interest to some of you, and I understand that. Please don’t let that keep you from checking out the product. Read the site and make your own judgment. If you have any questions, please feel free to post them in the reply box below, or call me at 803-461-4210.

For those of you who are interested in looking at the business side of this awesome product, may I give you this to think about… business is about finding a need and filling it. People want good health, without having to make huge changes in their life. This is a product that I personally believe meets this need, and will help many people along the road to better health, therefore, I feel that everyone deserves to know about it. If I can help people achieve better health, and make a career out of it at the same time…I can’t think of a better path to take.

Remember…there are no guarantees in life, but if you desire good health, you must make the right choices.

Ignore your health, and it WILL go away.
Take action today, and choose to take care of and nourish your immune system, and your chances of achieving good heath are greatly improved!